Why College Isn’t the Final Definition of You

Welcome to the Letters of Wonder, where I explore insights on wealth, fulfillment, growth, and mastery.

Today, we’re going to be exploring what I learned from school.

Oh boy.

School

In school, we’re all given a set path to follow.

But what if it doesn’t feel right? For me, it all started in 7th grade.

The math results were back. I bombed yet another test.

And my friend aced it.

As usual.

But we went to the same tutor. What was I not doing right?

Instead of focusing on getting better grades, I started questioning my existence goals.

1. Why was I even studying to get better grades?

2. What did grades even matter for?

So, I spent some time reflecting... and beating myself up.

And that started my search for the bigger picture.

Reflection: Looking back, I see that this early questioning wasn’t really about grades. It was my first hint that I needed a deeper ‘why’ behind everything I did.

Grades

Over the next few years, I realized a few things. Grades did matter.

I couldn’t stop caring completely.

If I did, I’d have to fight harder for every single opportunity.

I also didn’t want to be judged by friends’ moms society.

It sucks, but it’s just the way it was.

I had the opportunity to go to a wonderful high school, so I did my best to keep up.

But keeping up was hard.

My friends were all getting 4.5, 4.6, and 4.7 GPAs.

It sucked to be on the lower end.

But surrounding myself with people like that actually helped.

I ended up around a 4.2. Not bad. But not even close to the top 10% of my class.

There goes the valedictorian speech I wasn’t preparing for.

But I was okay with a 4.2 because I kept coming back to: What am I optimizing my life for?

So I thought further.

Was there something else out there that could get me into a good college?

Something where I could enjoy the process instead of just getting good grades?

I decided to try my luck.

Reflection: Society measures us by grades. But the real test is staying true to what matters to you. I realized that there’s a difference between succeeding and feeling fulfilled.

Extracurriculars

In 10th grade, I started building a chess academy.

I loved chess so much that I decided it was my duty to unleash the next generation of chess prodigies onto the world.

Joking.

I did it fully to get into a good college. Shame on me.

Each week, I would coach children and donate the money I earned to somewhere (my mom handled this part) in India.

I thought this would be a great way to show colleges something unique.

Maybe they’d see me as a community helper.. or a philanthropist..?

But here’s the thing... I actually loved chess. It was something I enjoyed. So yes the benefit was a good college. But I loved the actual process too.

And that was my goal.

Get into a good college while having fun. Make sure I was doing something interesting.

I wanted to find a way to stand out, but also to find joy in what I was doing.

Reflection: The meaning isn’t about what others think. It’s about doing something that feels real. Building that chess academy wasn’t just for college. It was my first experience with creating something that felt like me.

Applying

It was finally time to apply to college. Or should I say colleges.

15 to be exact - shoutout FAFSA.

Almost almost every single one of those 15 colleges rejected me. Bummer.

I started losing hope.

Did I try so hard for nothing?

What was the point of all that?

Did I waste my time with the chess academy?

But here’s something I realized (now):

1. Trying in school taught me how to learn (and build systems).

2. Building a chess academy taught me how to do marketing (though mom did a lot of it).

3. Each ‘no’ felt crushing. But they taught me perseverance. This was a skill that has served me far beyond college.

I didn’t know it then, but these little lessons were becoming stepping stones.

Reflection: Every rejection felt like a blow to my plan. But sometimes the best lessons come from falling short. I was building resilience.

Acceptance

One fine day, I opened an email from UC Berkeley. I wasn’t expecting to get in.

Turns out, I got in.

I say this smoothly now, but I was freaking out when I did.

It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Time to not give a s*** what anyone thinks anymore. I’m going to Berkeley.

Well, not so fast.

Once I enrolled at Berkeley, the cycle started all over again.

A few days into classes and I was back to competing with everyone around me.

I had no goal other than do well in classes and get a good job. Nothing wrong with it. But it just wasn’t for me.

Slowly, college started changing me.

I started caring about which classes I took just to impress others.

I started viewing CS kids like gods and liberal arts majors as... less so.

I started studying 6 hours a day with no understanding of why I was doing it.

On the bright side, I still had a lot of fun. The parties, frats, hangouts—don’t even get me started. There’s a certain naivety in college that’s hard to define.

But then one day it happened. 

I started feeling this void.

Like nothing I was doing mattered.

Like I was just doing it to please everyone around me.

And whatever the feeling was, I didn’t like it.

So, I came back to the question.

What the heck was I even optimizing for?

So one fine day, I switched from Computer Science to Cognitive Science.

It was a CS to BS CS transition.

This switch allowed me to take easier classes and get out of school a lot faster.

I realized I didn’t enjoy coding whatsoever and I just did it to please the people around me.

I figured this switch was the right thing to do if I really wanted to explore what else was out there.

My reasoning:

1. I still cared what people thought - I couldn’t just drop out

2. My parents believed in me - I needed to finish college

3. I was learning other things in college - so I decided to stick around till graduation

4. College could be helpful - I would always have a degree/network and people would treat me differently

So for the next two summers, I overloaded my course schedule.

I took as many classes as I could.

And I was finally able to graduate.

Reflection: It took stepping away from what I ‘should’ do to see what I actually wanted. True success isn’t just a path. It’s a path that feels right for you.

Realizations

College was never the point.

The lessons I described above have served me more than college itself.

So it really doesn’t matter where you go. It also doesn’t matter what you study.

But here’s the kicker: it also does matter.

Just as much as it doesn’t define you, it does help you.

Society may give you more credit if you go to a prestigious school.

You might have opportunities land on your lap more easily.

People might treat you differently.

You might even begin to view yourself differently.

But... college isn’t a definer.

It’s simply a stepping stone, and it’s up to us to choose what we build with it.

Reflection: College taught me that society’s stepping stones aren’t always ours to walk. The key is to take what’s useful and leave the rest.

If You Don’t Have the Opportunity to Redo Your College Experience

Society? Society will probably influence how you feel. So go get credit somewhere else. Get jacked. Build something. Find your edge.

Opportunities? Yeah, the Harvard grad is most likely landing a job before you because of his network. So go establish yourself. Become great at something. Lean into your strengths. Be so good they don’t even care where you went.

People? There will always be people who judge. This may even be a blessing. You can figure out who values your degree versus your character (you better be a good person, though). Then just surround yourself with the people who look beyond a degree.

You? You can always change you and how you feel about you.

Reflection: We don’t need permission to be who we are. Find your own edge and lean into it.

Next Chapter

Once I graduated, I started to goof off explore my curiosity. And yes, goof off too.

I saw this as buffer time.

Time to find what I wanted.

Anyways, three years have passed since then. And I learned a lot.

But that’s for another newsletter.

Reflection: There’s freedom in exploring and in not having all the answers. Sometimes the best lessons come from letting go of expectations and following curiosity.

Reflections

What are you optimizing for? Here are some questions that helped me.

• What am I pursuing that actually matters to me?

• What would my most ideal day look like (the people, experiences, things)?

• What am I doing today that my 80-year-old self will thank me for

• What do I most want out of my life?

Take a moment to reflect on where you are and where you want to go.

And remember: In the end, college is just one chapter in the story we’re all writing. But real success? That’s about living true to ourselves, no matter what path you take.

Feel free to reply directly to this email. I’d love to hear your reflections.

Thanks for reading!